A candlelight remembrance of the awareness of Pregnancy & Infancy Loss
At some point in life, we have all asked the question, “Why?” We ask why when we are curious and do not understand, when we are faced with difficulty, pain, or loss, or when we wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?” For many individuals and couples, prenatal loss can bring these questions to the forefront and create a profound emotional and spiritual struggle. Experiencing the loss of a pregnancy can affect not only an individual’s emotional well-being but also the marital relationship, spirituality, and overall mental health. During the prenatal and postpartum periods, the effects of loss may extend into the couple’s interpersonal relationships, communication, and sexual relationships. Research has found that pregnancy and perinatal loss can contribute to difficulties in partners’ interpersonal r
elationships, communication, and quality of sexual life (Kielek-Rataj, Węndolowska, Kalus, & Czyżowska, 2020). Such experiences demonstrate that prenatal loss is not solely an individual experience but one that can significantly influence both partners and the relationship they share.
Causes of Prenatal and Infant Loss
The causes of prenatal and infant loss can vary and may occur at different stages of pregnancy and infancy. These causes may include congenital disabilities (birth defects), preterm birth and low birth weight, maternal pregnancy complications, miscarriage, stillbirth, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and unintentional injuries. Each type of loss can present unique emotional, psychological, spiritual, and relational challenges for parents and families. Understanding the various causes of loss is important when considering the grief experienced by parents and the types of support and resources, they may need throughout the grieving process.
Strains on the Couple’s Relationship
Prenatal and infant loss can place significant strain on a couple’s relationship. One common challenge is incongruent grief, in which each partner experiences and expresses grief differently. One partner may appear to heal or return to daily activities more quickly, while the other may continue to experience intense emotional and physical trauma and require more time to process the loss. Differences in grieving can create misunderstandings and may also affect the couple’s sexual relationship and overall intimacy.
Another challenge is disagreement and isolation. One partner may withdraw or stonewall as a way of coping, while the other may want to talk openly about the loss, their emotions, and what they are experiencing. When partners have different approaches to coping, feelings of rejection, resentment, loneliness, and emotional distance may develop. Over time, these patterns can make it more difficult for couples to reconnect emotionally and physically.
Intimacy may also decrease as partners cope with grief and emotional distancing. The ability to feel comfortable expressing one’s feelings, needs, and thoughts is an important component of openness within a relationship and is essential for effective communication between partners (Kielek-Rataj, Węndolowska, Kalus, & Czyżowska, 2020). When couples are unable to communicate openly about their grief and individual needs, the emotional distance between them may increase.
Ways to Stay Connected with Your Partner After a Loss
Couples may benefit from seeking couples therapy following prenatal or infant loss. A supportive therapeutic environment can provide both partners with an opportunity to express their emotions, feel heard, and validate one another’s experiences. It is important to select a therapist who creates an environment in which both partners’ perspectives are respected and equally valued.
Therapy can also help couples identify unhealthy patterns of communication and emotional interaction. By exploring these patterns, partners can develop healthier ways to communicate their needs, understand one another’s grief, and work through difficult emotions. Grieving together does not mean that both partners must grieve in the same way. Instead, it involves recognizing and respecting each person’s experience while intentionally taking steps toward reconnection and healing (Leonidaki, 2025).
Spirituality and Self-Blame
Spirituality can play an important role in how individuals process pregnancy and infant loss. When searching for meaning or answers after a loss, self-blame may occur as individuals struggle with questions about why the loss happened and whether they could have done something differently. These questions can be particularly difficult when the circumstances surrounding the loss were beyond the individual’s control (Claborn, 2026). Spirituality may provide comfort and a sense of meaning during the grieving process; however, it can also become an area of struggle when individuals question their faith or feel responsible for what happened.
The loss of a pregnancy or infant is a tragic experience, and the grief experienced by parents and families can be overwhelming. Some individuals may choose not to share their experiences and may attempt to cope privately, believing they must survive the experience on their own. Others choose to share their stories through podcasts, blogs, support groups, or advocacy work. Sharing personal experiences can provide an opportunity to process grief, connect with others who have experienced similar losses, and help raise awareness about pregnancy and infant loss.
The journey through grief is not one that individuals have to walk alone, and remembering a baby does not mean that a parent must forget or move on from the significance of the loss. Remembrance can become an important part of the healing process. October is recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, with October 15 observed as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. One way families and communities honor babies who have died is through the International Wave of Light, during which participants light a candle at 7:00 p.m. local time and keep it burning for at least one hour. This creates a continuous wave of light across time zones in remembrance of babies lost through pregnancy and infancy.
Awareness and supportive communities can play an important role in the grieving process. Support may come from family members, friends, online communities, nonprofit organizations that specialize in bereavement, support groups, and professional therapists. Having people who are willing to listen, acknowledge the loss, and provide support can help parents and families feel less isolated as they navigate their grief. Below is a list of pregnancy-loss resources and grief-support organizations that may provide additional assistance.
Pregnancy Loss Resources & Grief Support
Full Circle
Provides support for grieving children, families, adults, and communities through support groups, individual counseling services, remembrance programs, and grief education support.
Richmond MISS Foundation
Provides support for families struggling with grief after the death of a child.
Compassionate Friends RVA
Hosts local chapter meetings to provide group grief support, in a group setting, for families that have experienced the death of a child.
Therapeutic Counseling & Consulting
Provides couples, individual and grief therapeutic counseling and consulting to individuals who may have suffered loss of a child.
Postpartum Support International (PSI) maintains a dedicated Pregnancy and Infant Loss Help Line
(1-800-944-4773) and a searchable directory of certified perinatal mental health providers, including those with training in grief and reproductive trauma.
References
Claborn, H. (2026, May 18). The Guilt that shows up when we lose a child. Alliance of Hope. https://allianceof hope.org/the-guilt-that-shows-up-when-we-lose-a-child/
Kielek-Rataj, E., Wendolowska, A., Kalus, A. & Czyzowska, D. (2020). Openness and Communication Effects on Relationship Satisfaction in Women Experiencing Infertility or Miscarriage: A Dyadic Approach. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(5721); doi: 10.3390/ijerph17165721
Leonidaki, V. (2025, October 14). 5 Ways Couple Therapy Can Help After Pregnancy Loss. Psychology Today. https//psychologytoday.com/us/blog/
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