Growing Up in a Culture That Didn't Believe in Mental Health: An Asian American Perspective

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Did you know that Asian Americans are 50% less likely to seek mental health services compared to other racial groups? For many Asian American communities, mental health can be a complicated and avoided subject. You may have grown up in a family where mental health wasn’t believed in, pushing through was valued over resting, therapy was associated with shame, struggles meant you just had to “pray more,” sadness or crying was viewed as weakness, or maybe you just had to “be stronger” and “be more grateful.” 

Maybe mental health simply wasn’t discussed at all, or maybe you’ve questioned if your experiences were “bad enough” to seek support. Maybe you’ve struggled with low self-worth, masking your feelings, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and don’t fully understand where that came from. Maybe you feel guilty for feeling this way or having needs in the first place. Maybe you feel pressure to have to handle everything on your own. Cultural identity, family dynamics, and expectations can all influence how Asian Americans understand and experience mental health. Over time, these messages can shape how we understand our emotions and whether or not we feel comfortable asking for help.

Below are examples of what this may actually look like in everyday life.

Minimizing Your Feelings

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Many cultures, including Asian American cultures, learn to minimize their feelings when they grow up in environments that do not acknowledge or believe in mental health. You might have heard things like the following:

• “Stop crying. You have no reason to cry.”

• “You need to be grateful and stop complaining.”

• “We had it worse back in the day.”

• “You don’t understand struggle like we do.”

• “You worry too much. Just relax.”

• “You need to be strong for your family.”

• “You don’t need a therapist. You can talk to your family.”

• “Just pray about it, and you’ll feel better.”

• “You’re so sensitive.”

If you heard any of these sentences, you may have learned to internalize them and started to believe that your feelings are inconvenient, invalid, unnecessary, or not important enough to talk about. Instead of getting your emotional needs met, you might automatically think, “Am I overreacting?”, “Am I being too sensitive?”, or “Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way?” 

As a result, you may have learned something called masking, which is hiding or suppressing how you truly feel to prevent vulnerability, avoid judgment, and fake positivity. In other words, maybe you turned into a person that became really good at smiling through the pain. From the outside, everything might look fine. You go to work, you get your homework done, you take care of your responsibilities, you stay connected with others, you exercise, but internally, you might be struggling and actually feel incredibly overwhelmed, anxious, or exhausted. You might even feel like you can only truly feel those feelings by yourself. 

Masking can be a way to protect ourselves from criticism, rejection, or conflict, so hiding them keeps us safe. Maybe it helps us fit in. However, masking can be associated with chronic stress, emotional burnout, fatigue, or even feeling disconnected with our authentic self and feelings. Thus, this post is to help you understand that you don't have to justify your feelings for them to be worthy of attention.

Family Expectations and Filial Piety

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Within many Asian families, filial piety, which involves respecting, honoring, and caring for one’s parents and elders, is an expectation. Although this can be a beautiful concept of being grateful for your parents and ancestors and fostering connection, it can create intense pressure to prioritize your family’s needs over your own.

To put this differently, you may have grown up trying to avoid disappointing your parents, felt the need to constantly make them proud, or even dismissed your own feelings to keep the peace and avoid conflict. Setting boundaries may even be seen as disrespectful or selfish, making you feel guilty. 

The following statements might have popped up in your mind:

• “I can’t disappoint my parents.”

• “I should be grateful for everything they’ve done for me.”

• “I owe them.”

• “I need to be strong and successful for my elders.”

• “If I prioritize my own needs, I am being selfish.”

• “I have to make my family proud.”

• “I need to respect my elders and keep quiet, even when I disagree.”

• “I can’t say no to my parents. It’s disrespectful.”

• “My parents sacrificed so much for me, so I need to make it worth it.”

Hearing these statements might have influenced you into thinking and believing that your sense of worth is tied to achievement, responsibility, or what you can do for your family. It can then become difficult to believe that you deserve care, support, and love simply because you are a person who exists, not because of what you can accomplish or provide for others.

It’s important to have a balance. You can honor your parents and appreciate their sacrifices while also honoring your own emotional needs. Caring for yourself doesn't have to mean abandoning your family values or turning your back on your cultural identity. 

Mental Health Stigma

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Mental health stigma can show up in many different ways within various Asian families and communities. Cultural attitudes and experiences vary across generations, ethnic backgrounds, families, and even religions. 

For some cultures, therapy is reserved for a crisis or something “serious.” For others, therapy is unnecessary if they have family and/or faith. Some cultures might view depression as laziness. Some “negative” feelings might be caused by bad spirits and just require healers or herbs. Anxiety might be viewed as being too sensitive or not having enough confidence. Stress might be something you just have to push through. Perfectionism might just be having high standards for yourself because you have good ambition. 

Regardless of what your experience is/was within your family, if you grew up hearing messages that discouraged emotional expression or looked down upon professional support, those messages may have influenced you to just pray more, push harder, and get through it on your own.

Maybe you recognize that therapy can be helpful but feel guilty for needing it or even just wanting it. You might believe in therapy for others but have a hard time extending that same compassion and belief towards yourself. 

Recognizing these stigmas doesn’t mean you have to reject your culture, blame your family, or hate where you come from. It’s about understanding the messages you may have received, increasing your awareness of mental health, and deciding for yourself which cultural norms, beliefs, and values still serve you and which ones don’t. The following section talks about working with these experiences while honoring your cultural identity.

Honoring Your Mental Health and Your Cultural Identity

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Understanding and healing from cultural messages around mental health can be an opportunity to make room for both your cultural identity and your emotional needs. The following is a list of some ways to begin:

• Practice self-care. If you grew up constantly prioritizing responsibility, achievement, caring for others, and self-sacrifice, then self-care and self-compassion can be uncomfortable or might even feel selfish. Rather than viewing it as selfish, try seeing it as a way to honor and care for yourself so that you have a greater capacity to continue achieving, living according to your values, doing your responsibilities, and showing up for the people that matter to you. You don’t have to earn rest. You’re allowed to recharge and just exist.

• Be curious about which cultural values you’d like to carry forward. You don’t have to turn your back on your culture or reject every belief. Ask yourself which values align with who you are, which ones create more suffering, which ones make you feel unnecessary guilt and pressure, and how you can honor your family/culture while still honoring yourself. You might keep most values, like connection, generosity, respect, humility, perseverance, and hard work, but you might learn how to redefine those values for yourself so you can find balance and avoid burnout. 

• Practice small steps towards emotional vulnerability. If you weren’t taught or shown how to express your emotions, start small or in safe spaces. You can start in a journal, with a trusted friend, or with a therapist. Simply stating how you’re feeling (e.g., I feel sad; I feel frustrated; I feel excited; I feel nervous) without explaining or justifying can be a great start towards emotional vulnerability. You don't have to share all of your feelings with everyone. You can choose who to share your feelings with and decide which feelings you’d like to keep private.

• Set intentional boundaries. Boundaries can feel selfish or disrespectful, especially if you value respect, peace, and family connection. Instead of seeing boundaries as rejecting your family or cultural values, consider them a way to create more sustainable relationships. Two things can be true at once: You can be respectful and still say no. You can care about someone else’s feelings and not be responsible for making sure they always feel okay. You can love your family and support your emotional wellbeing. Here are some examples of what this can sound like:

  • “I won't be able to come home this weekend, but I'd love to find another time to spend together.”

  • “I understand that you have certain expectations for me, but I need to make this decision based on what feels right for me.”

  • “I understand that you're disappointed, but I don't need to change my decision just because you're upset.”

  • “I know you're asking because you care, but I'm not ready to talk about that right now.”

  • “I know you may not mean anything by it, but I’m not comfortable talking about my body.”

  • “I'm happy to talk about this when we're both calm. I'm going to take some space for now.”

• Find culturally informed support. Finding a therapist who understands your unique cultural experiences can help you explore these concerns in a safe space. Therapy can be a space to explore your emotions, values, and cultural identity to help you make intentional choices, understand yourself, and learn tools that fit your life. It’s a space to hold and honor your cultural identity while also giving you space to process any experiences that cause(d) you pain.

Final Thoughts

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You don’t have to reach a breaking point for your feelings to deserve care and understanding. You don’t have to be in an active crisis to seek therapy. Healing doesn't require you to choose between your culture and your mental health. It can be about finding a way to honor both.

If you’re an Asian American or someone who’s trying to figure out how cultural identity and emotional wellbeing can coexist, therapy can be a space to explore these experiences with curiosity and compassion. Reach out to your therapist or our office if you’d like to begin exploring culture and mental health. 

Sources

Kramer, E. J. et al., (2002). Cultural factors influencing the mental health of Asian Americans. Western Journal of Medicine, 176(4), 227-231. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1071736/  

Liu, G. Z. (2026, July 6). Barriers and beliefs: Understanding mental health in Asian communities. Deconstructing Stigma. https://deconstructingstigma.org/guides/asian-american-mh

Mok, C. (2023, July 19). Addressing mental health in the AAPI community. National Alliance on Mental Health. https://www.nami.org/blog/addressing-mental-health-barriers-in-the-aapi-community/

Nishi, K. (2012). Mental health among Asian-Americans. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/pi/oema/resources/ethnicity-health/asian-american/article-mental-health

Schlossberg, J. A. (2023, May 9). Confronting mental health barriers in the Asian American and Pacific Islander community. UCLA Health. https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/confronting-mental-health-barriers-asian-american-and-2

Wu, N. (2026, April 7). Finding healing and belonging: Embracing mental health for Asian Americans. Coastal Therapy Group. https://coastaltherapygroup.com/undercurrent/embracing-mental-health-for-asian-americans/