Do you ever experience the following thoughts: Ugh I hate my body, I wish I was skinnier, I need to lose weight, I don’t like the way my arms/back/legs/stomach looks, I hate this outfit on me, I look so bloated and gross, I can’t go out looking like this? You are NOT alone. In today’s society and in the social media world, it’s ingrained that a skinnier, slimmer, fitter, more toned, and smaller body is more “valued” than other bodies, thus creating struggles with body image for people of varying ages and genders. Here are some specific numbers to conceptualize the vast amount of populations this affects:
69-84% of women experience body dissatisfaction, with the primary concern being losing weight
10-30% of men experience body dissatisfaction, with the primary concern being to look more muscular
40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming fat
For LGBTQIA+ youth, up to 87% indicate they are dissatisfied with their body
85% of college athletes report maladaptive eating and weight control behaviors such as bingeing, excessive exercise, dieting, vomiting, and abusing weight loss supplements
So, where do we go from here? Social media preaches a lot about body love and body positivity, but how do we even reach that point? How can you love or be liberated from something you hate? Well, the image below shows that body image is a spectrum (body hate, body respect, body acceptance, body appreciation, body peace, body confidence, and body liberation), and we can be at different points throughout the day or week. To move away from body hate and move towards body liberation, we have to first respect our bodies.
Body Respect
To move away from body hate, try giving your body respect every single day. How do you show someone else respect? Perhaps you care about them, you show empathy and concern for them, you listen to them, you’re considerate about their needs and boundaries, and/or you speak kindly to them. The same goes for your body! How are you caring for and respecting your body? Are you nourishing it? Are you moving it? Are you practicing self-care? You don’t have to like or love your body in order to respect it and take care of it. Here are some examples of what you can do to respect your body:
Eating when you’re hungry and honoring your cravings
Taking a bath or shower
Wearing your favorite perfume
Choosing movement that feels good and brings you joy, whether it’s walking, swimming, sports, hiking, running, pilates, yoga, or anything else you enjoy
Wearing clothes that fit, feel comfortable, and make you feel confident
Listening to your body cues when your body feels tired and stressed and giving it the rest it deserves
Doing your self-care routine in the morning or at night
Speaking kindly to yourself. Ask yourself, “Would I say that to a friend or someone I love?”
Unfollowing social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself or your body
Getting a massage when you feel sore or just want to feel good
Body Acceptance
Body acceptance first involves acknowledging that constantly trying to change our bodies can correlate with disordered eating, further body dissatisfaction, or unhealthy or excessive exercising. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean you like your body or how it looks, but it involves being able to look at yourself in the mirror, embracing yourself, and seeing your inherent worth just as you are. You realize that you don’t have to fix your body in order to change your relationship with it.
❌ Acceptance is NOT… | ✅ Acceptance IS… |
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How do you get there? ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, can be useful to reach body acceptance.
Don’t Resist the Feelings, Be Curious
Allow the thoughts and feelings to exist. Imagine holding a beach ball underwater (resisting emotions). The harder you push, the more forcefully it pops up. Instead, let it float beside you without letting it control you.
When discomfort arises, pause and name the feeling: “Right now, I feel shame about my body.”
Take slow, deep breaths, and tell yourself, “I don’t have to like this feeling, but I can make space for it and be curious about it.”
After you’ve made space and brought attention to the thoughts, you can practice cognitive defusion.
Cognitive Defusion
Instead of trying to avoid or eliminate negative body image thoughts, try to create distance between yourself and that thought. Imagine the thoughts as leaves or logs floating down a river. You don’t have to grab them. Just let them drift by.
Rather than say, “I’m ugly and fat,” create distance by saying, “I’m having the thought that I’m ugly and fat.”
File your thoughts away into their corresponding folders, such as comparison, self-doubt, future concerns, or more.
Say your thoughts in a silly voice, like your favorite actor, Mickey Mouse, SpongeBob, or a robot. The sillier the better. This removes the emotional weight of the thought.
Live By Your Values
What are your values? Whether it’s your relationships, faith, growth, creativity, or achievement, focus on what matters to you. Think of your values as a compass. Even if negative body thoughts arise, you can still take meaningful steps in the direction of your values.
Being thin, beautiful, or fit, is NOT a value.
Ask yourself:
If I weren’t so focused on my body, what would I want to spend my time doing?
If you were thin, what would you be doing with your life that you’re not doing right now?
If this anxiety were to go away instantly, what would you be doing right now?
If you were instantly in the body that you were striving to get, how would your life look different than what you’re doing right now? What activities/who would you interact with/what would you do?
Whatever the answer is, live according to those values and wants. Your body doesn’t have to change to live according to your values.
Body Appreciation
Bodies have value and worth outside of external appearance. In the body appreciation stage, you can appreciate and be grateful for what your body can do for you rather than what it looks like. Sometimes, we overlook the amazing and beautiful things our bodies do for us on a daily basis, such as breathing, digesting food, walking, talking, driving, running, smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, and touching.
Appearance → Function
❌Instead of… | ✅ Try… |
I hate my legs. | My legs give me strength and allow me to walk, run, and dance. |
My arms look flabby. | My arms help me hug the people I love and carry things. |
I hate my nose. | My nose helps me breathe and smell amazing food and my favorite perfume. |
My hands are too big/small. | My hands allow me to write, create, cook, and hold my partner’s hand. |
My hair is too thick and frizzy. | My hair keeps me warm and protects my scalp. |
Engage Your Senses
Touch: Hug your best friend, feel the soft blanket, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin.
Taste: Enjoy your favorite meal, and thank your body for processing and digesting it.
Sight: Look at the sunrise or sunset and appreciate your ability to see.
Hearing: Listen to your favorite music, listen to your partner’s voice, and appreciate the ability to hear.
Smell: Spray your favorite perfume, light a candle, or smell the homecooked meal you just made.
Write a Love Letter to Your Body
You can start with, “Dear body, I appreciate you for…”
Just like you’d write a love letter to a partner, write one to your body, and read it when you struggle with body image.
Body Peace
After you’ve gone through steps of respecting, accepting, and appreciating your body, you’ll reach a sense of peace, where you begin to feel okay with the way your body looks. Your mind won’t go straight to criticism, it’ll pause and challenge any negative fleeting thoughts, and it’ll eventually feel peace and neutrality with what it’s seeing in the mirror. Now, it’s possible to move back and forth within the spectrum, so if you’re not feeling at peace, practice more respecting, accepting, and appreciating!
Body Confidence
You don’t have to change your body in order to be confident. After having many days of respecting, appreciating, accepting, and feeling peace about your body, you’ll eventually start to feel a little bit more confident. You may even start to notice that you can go out in public, wear the clothes or bathing suit you’ve been avoiding, and spend more time with the people you love without giving it a second thought. At this stage, you realize that having fun, hanging out with friends and family, going to the beach, and being social isn’t based on looks. Naturally, you’ll spend more quality time with others and yourself, and less time thinking about your looks.
Body Liberation
Body liberation is “finally breaking free from society’s body standards.” You see your worth outside of your body. You live according to your values. You don’t let your body image thoughts or your appearance stop you from living your life, going to the beach, going on that date, traveling to that country, buying that top or new pair of jeans, wearing that bathing suit, or finding love or a new friend. After time and practice, respecting, accepting, and appreciating your body, challenging negative body image thoughts, and feeling a sense of peace when you look at your body will start to happen naturally and habitually.
Start practicing respect, acceptance, and appreciation with your body, and see where it can take you!
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Struggling with body image can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. If you’re ready to explore these feelings with the support of a therapist, we’re here to help. Schedule an inquiry today and take the first step toward healing and self-acceptance.
Sources
Eating Disorder Hope. (2024). Acceptance and commitment therapy for help with body image issues. Eating Disorder Hope. https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/treatment-for-eating-disorders/therapies/acceptance-commitment-therapy-act/applying-act-body-image-issues
Edwards-Gayfield, P. (n.d.). What is body image? National Eating Disorders Association. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/body-image-and-eating-disorders/#:~:text=Indeed%2C%20studies%20have%20found%20that,desire%20to%20become%20more%20muscular
Raymond, A., & Boteler, B. (2021). Body image workbook. Courage to Nourish. https://couragetonourish.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Body-Image-Workbook-2021.pdf
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