Scrolling with Intention and Compassion: Using Social Media to Help (Not Hurt) Your Self-Esteem
- Janelle De Guzman
- Aug 18
- 8 min read
Have you ever scrolled through your social media feeds and suddenly felt smaller (but not in a good way?) Started questioning your own life? Started feeling insecure in your own body? The flawless skin; the vacation-ready abs; the toned muscles; the designer clothes, the coolest vacation… We’ve all been there, it’s hard not to compare. Social media can be a wonderful tool to share our lives; connect with others; inspire each other; gain information, and support one another, but it can also quietly affect the way we see ourselves. Social media--although great--can invite comparison; insecurity; mental fatigue, and even reliance on external, rather than internal validation.
Some have tried deleting social media or taking a break in order to heal themselves. However, social media isn’t inherently bad. You can have social media and protect your mental health at the same time. With intention, you can create a feed that supports your wellbeing, and with extra compassion, you can protect your mental health by creating a healthier online environment.
Curate Your Feed
Your social media feed can feel like a closet: which can be full of clothes that don’t fit; don’t make you feel good; make you uncomfortable, or are outdated or out of style. If it’s this way, then maybe it’s a sign to clean out, reorganize, and restyle. The same can go for your social media feed. If it’s no longer serving you, adjust it. Here are some tips to adjust your feed for confidence and comfort:
Unfollow accounts that don’t serve you anymore. Unfollow, block, or mute accounts that no longer serve you, make you feel bad about yourself, or spark comparison. Whether it’s an influencer or brand that promotes unrealistic beauty standards, remove them like clothes that no longer fit you or make you feel good in your skin.
Follow accounts that promote inclusivity and lift you up. Follow creators and accounts that represent diversity, showcase reality rather than filters and fantasy, and promote inclusivity. Just like how we can buy unique outfits that shape our varying bodies and personalities, follow accounts that show that beauty is expansive--not one-size-fits-all.
Engage with accounts that bring you joy. Engage more with posts that inspire you; encourage you; make you laugh, or help you feel seen. Whether it’s accounts that have a similar background or body type as you or if it’s a mental health account or comedy account, engage with those. Just like how it’s important to wear clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable, follow and engage with accounts that make you feel the same.
Fill your feed with content that replenishes you rather than content that drains you. By curating your feed intentionally, you can develop a healthier relationship with social media and yourself.
Use Social Media as a Tool
It can be easy to feel pressure to post the “perfect” pictures; get the most likes; have more followers, and to get the most validating comments, and to use those to measure our self-worth. However, social media is not a mirror--and those numbers don’t reflect your value. So, instead of seeing social media as a mirror that reflects your worth and value, try using it as a tool. Here are a couple of ideas on how to do so:
Look for inspiration, not approval. Instead of comparing or seeking validation, ask yourself, “What can I learn/what positive energy does this account bring me?” Try following creators who share raw stories and authentic moments, and explore pages that talk about what you’re curious about (body acceptance, mental health tips, etc.) Engage with accounts that celebrate the real you and share your values and beliefs: whether it’s body image advocates, foodie accounts, or anything else you love.
Be authentic, not performative. Be true to who you are when you post. Share wins, share challenges, and share your hobbies. Share the “casual” pictures rather than the filtered photos. The goal isn’t to please everyone but rather showcase who you are and connect with people that may share the same values as you. Your worth doesn’t change based on what you post or how many likes you get. Use social media to celebrate valuable connections and share your growth.
When you treat social media as a tool rather than a mirror or popularity contest, you can create a healthier and more intentional relationship with it. It can help you worry less about “performing” and instead can help you focus more on authenticity and empowerment.
Scroll Intentionally and Mindfully
It’s so easy to get lost scrolling mindlessly through Instagram and TikTok and lose hours. It can sometimes lead to feeling more tired, anxious, or more insecure about yourself. Unconscious scrolling can drain you, leaving you more susceptible to seeing posts that don’t make you feel good, ultimately making it harder to maintain a positive body image and sense of self-esteem.
Being mindful and intentional about your scrolling can make you aware of how you use social media so that you have control over your social media usage, not the other way around. Here are some tips on how to scroll mindfully and intentionally:
Set time limits. Having a limit to social media usage can help prevent endless scrolling. Choose a time limit for each app that works best for you, whether it’s 15 minutes, 30 minutes, or an hour. The key here is to hold yourself accountable and do something offline when you reach the time limit. Doing so can protect your mental energy and help you not get sucked into hours of mindless scrolling.
Be curious about the purpose of the scroll. Are you bored? Anxious? Sad? Why are you going on social media at this moment? Will social media help you or hurt you at this moment? Are you going on social media for inspiration; to be connected; or to be updated/informed, or is it out of habit? Being aware of the purpose can prevent automatic and mindless scrolling.
Be curious about your emotions. As you scroll, pay attention to how your body feels and what emotions you’re experiencing. Are you tired? Tense? Insecure? Feeling stuck in the comparison trap? Identifying the specific feeling can help you figure out how to cope outside of social media, which can include: putting your phone down/taking a break; journaling; talking to a friend; going for a walk; taking a nap; listening to music, or just breathing.
Mindful scrolling can help prevent comparison traps or negative thought spirals. Mindfulness can protect your energy and make social media more useful and intentional and less draining.
Balance Online Life and Offline Life
Although social media can provide lots of entertainment and connection, it’s important to be intentional about your self-care away from screens. If you check your screen time in your settings app, how many hours do you see? How many hours do you spend on social media? If it’s a high number, try balancing your online life with more offline experiences to help you practice self-care and reconnect with people and places in real life. Here are some tips:
Move your body in ways that feel good. Connect with your body and find activities you enjoy, such as walking; yoga; dancing; running; lifting weights, or playing sports. Movement releases endorphins that will boost your mood and reminds you how healthy and strong you can be.
Connect Face-to-Face. Social media can offer connection, but in-person connections are important to prioritize because they are deeper and more intimate. Schedule family meetups; talk to your coworker; go on a walk with a friend; hug a loved one, or go on adventures with other people. Those moments foster intimacy and connection, and they can reduce loneliness and give you a break from endless comparison.
Be creative and ground yourself. Explore a new place; cook a new recipe; go to a painting class; color; practice deep breathing, or listen to your favorite music. Grounding yourself or being intentional about some self-care can give you a break and help you slow down from the constant stimulation from screens and social media.
Have Screen-Free Areas. Create areas that are screen-free, such as at the dinner table; at the gym; in your bedroom, or during a date. These times and spaces can then be used to recharge you mentally, physically, and emotionally, and help prevent social media from controlling your mind and affecting your self-esteem.
When you nurture real-life experiences and experience offline joy, you can see that your value and worth isn’t tied to what you post or what’s on your screen. You’ll see that your life is more valuable, consists of more, and that you are worth more than what social media portrays.
Practice Self-Compassion
Social media is a highlight reel and rarely showcases people’s unfiltered reality. However, constant exposure to highlight reels can creep into your inner dialogue and make you feel like you aren’t doing enough, or don’t look good enough, which can lead to negative self-talk and the comparison trap. Here’s some ideas on how to combat that:
A post is not the full story. People will post what they want and will filter out what they don’t want to show. Remind yourself that you just see a snippet of people’s lives, not the whole picture.
Look past appearance. Rather than only focusing on appearance and comparing your body to others, celebrate and appreciate what your body does for you. Appreciate your legs for carrying you and allowing you to dance. Practice gratitude that your hands allow you to create or comfort someone else. Gratitude helps you form a deeper connection with yourself.
Reframe negative thoughts. Instead of saying, “I wish I looked like them” or “Their lives are better than mine,” try saying, “My body is resilient in its own way” or “My life has value and worth outside of my physical appearance.” Reframing can help you build your self-compassion.
Practice self-compassion. If you catch yourself being mean to yourself, ask yourself, “How can I get in touch with my compassionate part?” or “What would I say to a friend?” Self-compassion helps challenge our inner critic. For more information on how to challenge your inner critic, check out the attached blog post.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to delete all of your social media in order to feel good about yourself or improve your mental health. Social media isn’t going away any time soon, so it’s important for us to be intentional on how we interact and engage with it so that it helps and supports, rather than hurts, our mental health and self-esteem. By curating our feed, being intentional, and practicing extra self-compassion, we can use social media to fuel positivity and resist comparison and self-doubt.
Sources
Clinician, S. (2025, July 10). Using mindfulness to evaluate your relationship with social media. Council for Relationships. https://councilforrelationships.org/using-mindfulness-to-evaluate-your-relationship-with-social-media/
Phillips, W. J., & Wisniewski, A. T. (2021). Self-compassion moderates the predictive effects of social media use profiles on depression and anxiety. Computers in Human Behavior Reports, 4, 100128. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chbr.2021.100128
Thai, H., Davis, C., Mahboob, W., Perry, S., Adams, A., & Goldfield, G. (2023, February 23). Reducing social media use significantly improves body image in teens, young adults. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/02/social-media-body-image
Widow, T. B. (2024, November 8). Unfriending on social media: The new self care. Blue Widow Chronicles. https://thebluewidowchronicles.com/2024/11/07/unfriending-on-social-media-the-new-self-care/